mmmm

so you know that feeling when you eat mcdonalds and its good but then you regret it.
yeaaah that happens with me and blogging, so i wrote this blog the other night. went to bed. and remember just as i was drifting off to sleep thinking that i should get up and delete it haha.
so then i came on yesterday and realised that my blogs are way to emo. but actually not really. just kinda.

i was at Granddad's last night and i was looking through this little book of quotes. it was mega cute, and then i found one that went something along the lines of.. if you're not getting what you want out of life then take a look at your level of enthusiasm. And then i remembered that enthusiastic meant "in God" and i realised the true beauty of this quote.

so i have this obsession with cute little christian movies. some of them are good, some of them are so terrible but they're honestly amazing haha. they're all so cheesy, but they're so so good. mmmmm.

in other news, my computer is currently downloading (slash trying to) three free new songs from the parachute bands new album. I'm so excited.. WAAAHH here's the link if you're cool enough to read this blog. http://dld.bz/68Nr

exams are almost over. well kind of, and i'm so excited for getting my life back. :) i haven't been to a friday elevate, a leaders meeting or a night church in like three weeks and i've truely missed it. however i secretly think jesus is stoked with the fact that i actually studied for these exams so its ok.

SUMMER CAMP. i truely dont think anybody is as excited for this as i am.
aaaand ALLNIGHTER is only in 3 weeks.

life is truely beautiful. just mega awk sometimes.  :)

haaannnnnout.

just got back from the Ell's. what the heck.. it was like gales after conf. all over again. Whaaaat the??
Got me excited. about life. about school. about people. about jesus. about family. about elevate. about the future. about everything really.
sanks Ell's. sanks Jesus. sanks the world - you are beautiful.

Jesus is a surprising fellow. He always gets ya when you least expect it. But i like that. Surprises. :)

i update my blog to much.

so i used to write little blogs slash thoughts etc to myself on my ipod. but some fool stole that and i'm too cool to write them down with a pen so as a result i write too many blogs. but thats cool. cause i dont really expect people to read them..

tonight was so beautiful. i have honestly never been as excited for an elevate service as i was tonight. and expectations were exceeded times a bazillion.
there's a few times in my life. where i've felt so in love with god. one was at camp. one was this one day when i was driving over the train bridge going into tawa. and one was tonight.
i had tears in my eyes tonight. it was beautiful. there was unity. there was family. there was jesus. life's amazing.
basically i just love life. mmmhmmm. sad i'm not going to relient k though. happy however that we have leaders meeting with ps. jurgen. so thats beautiful.
bedtime :)

why should we have to wait until someone has died to tell them how amazing they are.

Life.

today was rachels funeral. It was really sad but it was a beautiful service that celebrated her life.
i cant really comprehend death. my brain cant really get around the fact that
a. someone is gone.
and b. they're hanging with Jesus. like as in JESSSUUUUUUS!
the weather was nice. it was a beautiful service. the hangout afterwards was so beautiful. i went for a walk up in the belmont hills and had some sweet quiet time on the top of a hill looking over the hutt valley and the harbour with not a cloud in the sky. today was nice.

i think that Rach did truely know how much we and everyone else loved her. we say things we dont mean. we think things that aren't true. we're influenced by circumstances around us. but she was loved and she knows it. nobody can tell me different :)

i count it a blessing to be apart of a family of five. a family of five hundred. and a family of like over a billion. life is beautiful. people are beautiful. elevate is beautiful.
the end.

note to self.

after reading my last few blogs i have officially made a deal with my brain not to write blogs after like 1am because they just turn out as  pile of nonsense. sort of. had a beautiful night making very little sense and road tripping home from elevate.

see totally unrelated. good night.

blog.

i've done a lot of thinking over the past few weeks. it makes my head want to explode but it's good.
it's honestly been the craziest year. slash in particular the last few months.
there's honestly so much going on i dont even know what's happening. but it's a life to the full i guess.

• John 15:18. "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first."
• Matthew 10:22 "All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved."
• John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
• 1 John 3:13 "Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you."

just typed a whole blog. need to work out what to keep to myself, what to share with the world and what to tell like one or two friends.

last night i spent like an hour on facebook talking about heaven with annalise. it got me mega excited. not in like a i want to die way. cause i definately dont. but in a its going to be so beautiful, cant wait to see jesus in real life, nothing will be sad, it's going to be honestly amazing kind of way. even if its stupid i like to think that i'll live in a tree house with an elevator inside the trunk, there'll be a waterfall, we'll have gadgets like off spy kids, i'll own a unicorn and i'll have ropeswings to get to the neighbours place.

life is beautiful. confusing and hard. but so worth it.

how can i be so on to it yet so out of it?

it's been a pretty bumpy week. but good. i think. 

i've realised...

• even if people have stopped coming. every single day i'm planting seeds whether i know it or not and they might well just start sprouting long after i'm out of the picture. just cause i don't see the glory of god in my time with people doesn't mean they won't. god's timing is something i dont understand but i enjoy it.
• i think my life was perfect without exception for about 9 months straight and i dont know how that is even possible. blessing flowed. i honestly saw heaps of friends come to elevate. had the best friends. good marks at school. life was honestly so beautiful. so i think when life went back to how it should be... hard but worth it. i didn't know what to do.
• naturally i just don't like telling people what's going on. but that doesn't mean i shouldn't.
• things don't actually blow over by themselves, they just appear to but are actually just pushed aside and almost without fail pop back up when it is least convenient. 
• i love people so much. is there such thing as too much? cause if there was i'd love them too much. however if the bible says to love people like jesus did then there is no too much. but definately a lot. it's beautiful, but sometimes i honestly wish i could care less.
• everyone actually has problems. which is such a simple thing that i didnt seem to understand properly. and then i find myself wishing i ordered the beautiful shell session at getsmart. typical.

John 15:18 has been on my heart lately... all i've got to work out now is whose thoughts are in my head. and you can hardly compare yourself to jesus if there's geniune reasons people don't like you. so if the world hates you all i gotsa work out is if there's reason or whether i'm just doing what's right.... but i guess it's been on my heart for a reason.

life is beautiful. that in all this nonsense can be such joy. such beauty. such peace. such love. such acceptance. all because of a saviour that died for me.

i really dont think he's an egg.

humpty dumpty sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the kings horses and all the kings men
couldn't put humpty together again

it could have been anything. who's decide that humpty was an egg. he could have been a really hard jigsaw puzzle. cause if one of them fell off a wall it would be pretty hard to put back together.

like this.










or it could have been the magical blue moonstone from tinkerbell and the lost treasure. because she or any of the other fairies couldn't put that back together so i doubt the kings men and horses would be able to either.

it could have been anything. so yes it could have been an egg. but it could have just as easily been like a ceramic cat.

its quarter to two.

its the time. really late at night, where you should be sleeping. or studying... and you've run out of everything else you could possibly do. that means blog time...

i am yet to decide what this blog will be about. so it will just be a brief (or potentially not so brief) summary of EVERYTHING!!

• we're in the middle of mocks. i'm the worst studier in the world, best procrastinator however. BUT i actually studied tonight, for like 4 hours and only covered one of the 12 papers i have this week... AAAAAHHH
• piano exams done and dusted. waiting for results now FREAKING OUT. and i have no teacher now... she dissapeared to dunedin after my exam. literally got on the ferry like 20 minutes after.. so i'm chillin and not playing the piano.

• elevate. where do i flippin start?? it's amazing. we're huge, in like a depth/numbers/coolness factor. it's amazing, and we're only one week into high school blitz. no bigggie.
• life's uhhh interesting? but thats always good i guess. nobody likes a boring life..
• i moved rooms. its a mess. but i enjoy having the piano and drums in my room and DOUBLE BED. praising jesus for that right there.
• Luke moved home on wednesday. it's got its perks. but we have to do groceries like every second day so thats great.
• i just realised how LITTLE there is left of the year. its freaky. then i'm 7th form. then i'm out of school. forever. before i know it i'll be like... NOT A TEENAGER. i dont like the idea that one day i'm going to be old. but it makes me laugh thinking about it.

i think this will be me. in 60 years.

this blog is quite dissapointing really. just a load of nothing.

FAIL.

naaaaw well i'm publishing it anyway. maybe i'll write another one with meaning...