today i found out about this pastor in Iran - Yousef Nadarkhani - who, as we speak might be living the last few hours of his life because he refuses to deny that he's a christian.
this man has a wife, he has two children, and his family is being torn apart over this.
it seriously broke my heart.

sometimes i think we might be missing the point of christianity a little bit.
I mean we talk about not being Sunday christians, and so we go to church and then we try to live our lives as best as we can monday to saturday before returning to church on sunday content with our efforts.
but there's people like Pastor Yousef all over the world every day, being murdered or abused, or risking their life just so that they can believe in God, and bring glory to him, and most of the time we don't even know about them.

don't get me wrong, i think its awesome, and have so much respect for the people who stand up in their schools and make a difference, or the people we hear about who have the faith to step out and say their testimony at school, or pray for somebody in the common room. and its seriously amazing!! But every day in the world there are these people who stand in front of authorities, and risk tearing their family apart, or losing their life. All for Jesus. all behind the scenes. all where nobody knows about it. they are the ones that inspire me.

when i was in Vietnam in April, i went over to help them, but soon realised they had a lot more to teach me than i could help them with in a week.
i remember lying in bed listening, as the missionaries at YWAM where we were staying had to shut all the windows, and all the doors before singing praise and worship songs in case somebody heard them and they got reported.
i remember hearing about how they weren't allowed to teach people about Jesus directly, but they had devoted their entire lives to serving others in the hope that people would find Jesus not through their words, but their actions.
i remember listening as one of the missionaries talked about a tribe who found Jesus, but had this awesome, unique way of worshiping God because, though they were now christian, they'd been brought up doing certain things and that was their culture and their identity. but they managed to find Christ through that.
it's crazy to leave that poverty stricken environment, and walk back into church. it's awesome to be home, but its important to never forget.

he is everywhere. and its really easy to forget how big the world is, and that though our life is so important, so is everybody elses. our God is good, but its too easy sometimes to turn a blind eye to whats going on in the world.

and i am no way saying that we're not doing a good job living for Jesus.
i'm just saying.. its really easy to become so focused on our own lives, that maybe just sometimes... we do miss the point of it all.

second blog in a day. what i do for some people... :)

leadership is awesome, but with it comes a lot of responsibility. its crazy to think that when i look back on the year, the times lifegroup has been booming has generally been the same time i've been loving life, pumped about elevate and mega in love with God. and the times its been semi average are about the same times i've been tired, or flat or just not as pumped as i could be.

its a scary thought, an exciting thought, but a stressful thought that your life actually can and does influence others.

the craziest thing about looking back on the year, is that in those times i wasn't trying to lead well. i wasn't trying to impress anybody, i just knew who i was, was passionate about people and God and it all flowed from that.

i seriously love life. i love elevate. i love my friends. i love my leaders. i love school. the tricky thing about being in an amazing place in life, is that its really easy to stay stationary. to not step out, or not move forward, because the place you know is beautiful and comfortable.

but sometimes, and probably more often than not... the hardest things to do are the best things.

2012.

two thousand and twelve is approaching much faster than i'd like it to.
i am so so excited about next year. to move out of home, to live in a hostel, to make new friends, to learn alot, to grow, to have more freedom. there's like a billion amazing things to look forward to.
however there's just one thing that's stopping me from being mega pumped, one thing that makes me wonder why i'd even consider moving, the one thing that almost makes me throw it all out the window and enroll at vic instead.

but seriously i am ridiculously sad about leaving church, about leaving people, about leaving elevate.
me and annalise were talking about it the other day, and those people are seriously irreplaceable!!

like i tell myself that i'll move and there'll be just as awesome people down there. but then i think about it, and before Wellington there were awesome people but not as amazing as the ones i have now. i seriously dont think in the world i will ever come across people as amazing as the ones in my life at the moment.

I'm not very good with change, currently LOLing at the whole moving from Taupo to Wellington sitch, classic example... anyone who knew me post moving would back me up on that one. but this is different, i'm a very different person from the one i was 3 years ago. but WAH i dont wanna go.

but oh my i'm still pumped. though this is potentially going to be one of the hardest things i've done to date. but its going to be awesome, just one of those situations where i wish i didnt love people so much. like i was one of those people that just hang with whoever, that love people while they're around but just move on and make new friends with the snap of a finger.

i have no idea what exactly 2012 is going to hold. but despite everything i know its gonna be a beauty.

this has been a very contradictory blog. but i think with every big decision there are good and bad aspects. however with this one the good aspects just seem to be REALLY good so do the bad.

but, its gonna be awesome.

eeeeeeee.