hard things.

i really enjoy comfort. i enjoy safety. i like to think i'm a risk taker.. but if comes to anything big, or scary i'm not keen at all.
today i was sitting at the beach and i was thinking about life, and how much has changed in the last few years.
i'm a real good avoider of doing hard things, just cause i hate them. which is bad. but the thing is, somethings that were hard for me a year ago, or 10 years ago.. i wouldnt even blink an eyelid doing now. two years ago when someone asked me what i did in the weekend, my heart would like pop out of my chest just cause i was so scared when i told them i went to church, or even the idea of attending a christian group let alone attempting to start one made me nervous. it's been a beautiful journey...
i know that i haven't been called to livea comfortable life, which is what, in all honesty, i do a lot of the time... but so often i just put off what i know i've been called to do, or what i have to do because it feels too hard, or i'm so consumed by fear. but the thing is, when i realised how easy things are that used to be hard... i realise that what scares me now, could in a years time be something i do on a daily bases. inspiring.

the longer we take to leap. the more fear consumes us. the less likely we are to take a step. the further away the day is, where what seems like the hugest jump to take now, is simply a small stepping stone in the walk of life.

cats.

i love cats.

they're so friendly and soft.
i remember in year 9, brittney just came over one day before school, walked into my room when i was still in bed and simply said 'hey if you were like an alien from another planet and you saw a cat wouldn't you think it was like the weirdest thing in the world?' and its true. slash all animals are kinda weird when you think about it.
but like a cat is just like a miniature furry human that cant talk and walks around on all its legs.
i woke up this morning to find my parents had decided they're giving my cat away.
not calm.

in other news... i'm thinking that it's quite convenient that i know that i'm weird... because if i didn't acknowledge that i would be the randomest random on the planet.



suns out today. weeeeheeeee.
finished the book laura lent me.
it was beaut.
nothing to do... nowhere to be... good or bad i'm not quite sure??

meh.

best friends birthday.

christmas is so beautiful. makes me think about a lot of stuff...

for example today when my grandpa started eating the wrapping paper from his present, i thought about how the concept of benjamin button isn't all that weird. i dont really like that idea of getting old, but in a way babies/children aren't that different from old people. they're both pretty weak and vulnerable, need other people to help them live. i guess you kind of are born and die in a similar state... slash really thats not legit cause i'm kinda refering to people with alzheimers. okay scrap that. 

i woke up at 5 this morning, real pumped for my santa sack only to wake up and find it not at the end of my bed, turns out he put them under the christmas tree. whada a sneaky fella. went to church, it was adorable. had lots of food, an afternoon nap, and finished watching the first season of gossip girl (i know so holy and festive - dont judge)

Laura Boot is cool. she leant me this book, i think i'm going to have to read it again once i've finished, just cause its so well.. dense. and i cant really take it all in, maybe cause i cant fully comprehend God's love. i dont think any of us can, we limit God to things we know on earth in so many ways. it's pretty crazy really, but i enjoy the mystery that is Jesus. i dont think anyone will ever have christianity 'sorted'. i remember when i was younger, i used to look at leaders or pastors or just most christians, and wish that i could have it like them. in the entire world there are like a bazillion different twists on christianity. how can one person ever have it exactly correct without being all proud and up themself about their denomination. however i dont really believe that things like how old the hymns you sing are, or what version of the bible you read (within reason :D) actually are gonna make a difference in the end, its just Jesus.

God is just huge. point is although i'll grow in so many ways, i might not have christianity down. i'll never fully understand god's love or his hugeness, i dont think i'll do a lot of things. but thats because he is SO huge and SO great and SO many good things.. and nobodys perfect. and weren't born perfect, and we wont die perfect. we just gotta do our best to do whats right in between..

its late and i'm rambling. we're going white water rafting in the morning, i'm pumped.

Also getting so so so so so excited for 2011 in so many ways. i'm thinking sometime before school goes back i might just go on holiday with jesus for a couple of days. just us two, it'll be beaut. 

Jess Baker.

I truely love that woman.

Love is in the air.

Oh mama, at the moment you honestly do not have to look far to find all the relationship business. There's the newly weds, the newly engaged peepz!! The cute little couples, the dramatic scandalous flavums and the crushes haha. They're honestly EVERYWHERE. Like taking over the world...but not actually. i'm like helllo i think i'm in the minority falling into zero of these catagories. I'm just like uhh... JESUS? :) But it's beautiful, and seeing as i'm being honest.. a little bit entertaining slash cute just to observe!!

Also realised how many amazing people there are in my life at the mo. Like people i've never really considered friends or good friends before... but people like Briana, or Mollie or just like cool people like Angela Matuafale... or cute people like Aimee Lennan. I think this summer is gonna be one, not just hanging with that many school friends... but to be honest i am stoked. Loving life. Loving people. 

Christmas mince pie delivery almost had me in tears, no lie. It's one of the things that i actually like thoroughly enjoy doing for church . Like one of the top 10 things all year, don't know why i love it so much. But i do... maybe it's how quickly someone's face changes when they realise that you're just there to give them a christmas present, or the excitement that something so small can bring to people, or maybe cause it makes me value what i've got an appreciate what i have.
I am so proud of our church.

Production tomorrow.

Mount Maunganui tomorrow.

Road trip tomorrow.

Appartment tomorrow.

Beach Tomorrow.

Sun tomorrow 

LOVING LIFE.

loving life.

this is why i love life. okay Jesus is why i love life, but honestly i can't imagine life without elevate. Like what a legit team we have. Tonight was beautiful, i really enjoyed it.

So like 2 weeks into the holidays already have had a bazillion beautiful memories.. which has led me to the conclusion that i should document this summer in  a scrapbook. I'm pumped cause it's going to be an amazing summer!! Weeeeheeee.

Life is beaut. mmmmhmmmm.

i love sneaky blogs.
mainly when i can sort of put some thought into what it might be about, or take a guess.
when i have absolutely no idea it secretly annoys me. but i just really enjoy being able to see life from someone elses point of view. beautiful it is.

i'm really sad that this friday is the last elevate until.. well camp i guess! oh my giddy aunt camp is only like a month away, okay jokes this is just exciting now!! However it's sad i'm stoked that we're not finishing the year with the allnighter, i honestly LOVED it, but by the end everyone is just keen to get home and it ends real buzz kill. in my opinion anyway.
pumped about life.
coffee with jo tomorrow. kids party. leaders party. thursday hanging out with the coolest cats on the planet. then all in and party at ket rhi and annas. saturday baking hang out. christmas mince pies. packing then sunday CHRISTMAS PRODUCTION and then road trip to mount maunganui. it's going to be an amazing few days.

haha in other news. trying to stay excited for next year, way harder but its okay.
YAY

bad is good?

this year has honestly been craazy.

like so much good, a fair amount of bad and quite a lot of in between :)

i reckon the end of the year is such a beautiful time of reminiscing and loling over everything thats happened, but its totally also like the biggest time of regret for me.

too much regret is bad, cause you'll miss oppurtunities cause you're living in the past, but  i think a little bit is good. regret is what makes me want to do better next year, it makes me want to improve. it's what makes me realise the potential i have and realise how easily it can be wasted if i sit around and watch the world go by. if i didn't regret anything at all, then i don't think i'd ever grow cause i'd have nothing i wanted to be different next time. but i'm talking about good regret, not the kind where you just sit there moaping around cause of a stupid choice you made a year ago, i'm talking like the type of regret that sees you into the future.

i guess lots of 'bad' things are good in small quantities. like fear of being judged, slash judgement in general. everyone at school knows i'm a christian, and i kind of like that cause its sort of like in a way i have an expectation to live up to, to represent Jesus. i know that if i swore, or drank or did stupid stuff people would judge me, and see it as hypocritical. however i guess thats more expectation than anything else.

and you know.. pride. bad in big quantities but you need a bit or you'll not be pleased with anything you do or who you are. hmm could go on forever but tired..

however right now it legitimately looks like i've been punched in the face. twice.. thats how bad my bags are. true story.. woke up this morning and was like 'oh poo i have rubbed mascara round my eyes, spent like 5 minutes trying to get it off before realising it was actually just the bags under my eyes.. slightly embarrasing. oh well see ya.

oh. and emily has a horse.

and cause it's worth it's own post...

on monday night my life changed, there we were at the apartment. when all of a sudden it came to me... rainbow paddle pops dipped in choc whizz. without a doubt the best food on the planet.. :)

summmmmmer.

since saturday i've driven almost 1300km. that's quite a while, you know to tauranga and back and out and about. but the thing is i really really love driving, from taupo to the mount and back was beautiful cause it was like road trip with friends. but my fav is 5 hours with just me and jesus, i honestly sit there talking to him for hours and it's so beautiful i LOVE it. let's be honest if i was at home for the day there's no way i'd be able to have a 5 hour quiet time and not be distracted, and that is the beauty of a car. hanging with Jesus today, was beaut but pretty sure i'm not gonna get worship captain, positions come tomorrow i think, but it's okay. i've sort of realised that i was a better leader before i had a title.. not a title as such, but sort of.

i've always believed that leadership is an action, not a title. You're not a leader cause you're called one, you're a leader when you stand up for what you believe in, you're a leader when you have people that you're leading and they're following you, you're a leader when you are a good role model and you're a leader when you're proud of who you are and people look up to you. So i don't care about school council, i know i'm a leader and thats cool, i don't have to lead at school.

the last five days have been so beautiful, i tried bullet pointing this holiday, but it just doesn't do it justice. and the best things aren't necessarily things, but more like personal jokes, or small beautiful things like eating home made pizza on the beach while the sun sets, or just laughing or listening to music or taking photos. going on holiday with old friends is beautiful, cause you can actually leave EVERYTHING behind. i love holidaying with wellington peepz, but you share the same world and so you're sort of constantly reminded of the bad as well as the good. going on holiday with the Taupo girls was amazing cause i didn't have to worry about a thing, and i like that.


recently i've been getting so excited about 2011, whilst getting annoyed with how much time i wasted in 2010. but it doesn't matter cause i honestly believe SO much will change next year, i want to leave something, plant something, start something big. not cause i want this to be about me, but just cause i want to be a part of leaving a legacy at chilts. next year is going to be amazing, i know it. better than 2010 i can tell :)

yeah and that last photo's just there to show you how good i am at cartwheeling :) hahahaha

inspired.

so i've been inspired, or have i been uninspired...  to stop writing blogs.
i really enjoy reading them, but i secretly wish that i could go back to when i wrote them and knew nobody really read them. it's true, i need to start up a whole paper and pen shindig... or just carry this on with less emotion. okay sounds good. well i'm probably not going to stick to this plan.. but for now.

so tonight was prizegiving. it's cute, lets be honest i got a distinction in relegious studies.. pretty sure it's just cause i'm a christian cause we've only had one test and we all got the same mark. so shot Jesus for making me look brainy just cause we're friends.
but the point of this, is every year i get to prizegiving and sit in my seat watching people get awards and think .. 'next year it's going to be different' or next year i'll serve more, or work harder, or get better grades etc. then before i know it prizegiving comes around and i'm doing nothing but playing trumpet solos in the orchestra. PAHAHAHAHA. but seriously.

pumped about life. pumped about a new year. pumped about 2011 in general. kapai chilton, you picked a good head. :)

december.

november was  very bloggy month, to say the least, and i wonder if december will follow in its footsteps. being realistic the likelihood of this is very high.

tonight we had carol service, then i wanted to go to the end of elevate so i went straight from town in my uniform. oh it was great, so hot and stylish... leading me to the conclusion i should just wear it every week.
these vids have to be the most adorable videos in the world...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvNYAtDzVkc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flZVm1FNEnc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOHf5xIYSrA&feature=related

i'm going to taupo on saturday. brooke's baptism on sunday. then road trip to the mount for a few days with the taupo girls :) it's a beautiful thing that we still spend time together 2 and a half years after i'm gone. so so beautiful it's exciting. and mount maunganui is like my favourite place in the world.

still feels like i'm tying up all the loose ends of this year. don't think i'll quite feel free until prizegivings over, schools over on friday, speech exams over on sat.

5 hour quiet time. i'm so pumped eeeeeeeeeeee. driving is the best, it's just like me and jesus in a capsule on the road for 5 hours. with no distractions, honestly it's gonnna be goooood.

i registered for summer camp tonight. slash last night, exciting stuff!!

boring blog. sozzzas bwt dat.