bad is good?

this year has honestly been craazy.

like so much good, a fair amount of bad and quite a lot of in between :)

i reckon the end of the year is such a beautiful time of reminiscing and loling over everything thats happened, but its totally also like the biggest time of regret for me.

too much regret is bad, cause you'll miss oppurtunities cause you're living in the past, but  i think a little bit is good. regret is what makes me want to do better next year, it makes me want to improve. it's what makes me realise the potential i have and realise how easily it can be wasted if i sit around and watch the world go by. if i didn't regret anything at all, then i don't think i'd ever grow cause i'd have nothing i wanted to be different next time. but i'm talking about good regret, not the kind where you just sit there moaping around cause of a stupid choice you made a year ago, i'm talking like the type of regret that sees you into the future.

i guess lots of 'bad' things are good in small quantities. like fear of being judged, slash judgement in general. everyone at school knows i'm a christian, and i kind of like that cause its sort of like in a way i have an expectation to live up to, to represent Jesus. i know that if i swore, or drank or did stupid stuff people would judge me, and see it as hypocritical. however i guess thats more expectation than anything else.

and you know.. pride. bad in big quantities but you need a bit or you'll not be pleased with anything you do or who you are. hmm could go on forever but tired..

however right now it legitimately looks like i've been punched in the face. twice.. thats how bad my bags are. true story.. woke up this morning and was like 'oh poo i have rubbed mascara round my eyes, spent like 5 minutes trying to get it off before realising it was actually just the bags under my eyes.. slightly embarrasing. oh well see ya.

oh. and emily has a horse.